Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I need water and some morals
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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