a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it