He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now