my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.