I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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