I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
