I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
