when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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