i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize