I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
