Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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