if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
