i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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