Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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