porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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