from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
