I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
