If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
