I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
