my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
