i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
