I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Can you repeat that, but with context?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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