She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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