I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
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Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
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This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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