My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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