why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
