Banned from zoo.
Again?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
