am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
