I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
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she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
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It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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