When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
