My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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