I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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