Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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