I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
