I think I just saw someone hide a body.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
