She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize