living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
