Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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