the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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