I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
