You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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