Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
