Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
