brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize