who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
