when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
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You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
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For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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