He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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