listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
