I cannot find my penis.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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