he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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