also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
