I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
