how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
All the doctor said was why
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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