i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
