summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She bit a glass in half.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
