How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
