I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
